A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. Afterthe editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then,let it read Fred Brown died."Confounded at the womans thrift, the editor stammers that thereis a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again,counts on her fingers and replies, "In that case, Fred Browndied: 1983 Pick-up for sale."

Whats the difference between a very old, shaggy Yeti and a dead bee? Ones a seedy beast and the others a deceased bee.

Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gatheredaround him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room.Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife, "Thats it, one last timebefore I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver."Sams wife looked at him sadly and said, "Sorry Sam, its for after."

A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for herhusbands funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husbandto be buried in a dark blue suit.He asks, "Wouldnt it just be easier to bury him in the black suitthat hes wearing?"But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blankcheck to buy one.When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffinand he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director howmuch she loves the suit and asks how much it cost.He says, "Actually, it didnt cost anything. The funniest thinghappened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this onewearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, andasked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried ina black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched theheads."

A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field,until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked theguy next to it if he knew whose seat it was. The guy said, "Yes, thatsmy wifes seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days, butnow my wife is dead." The fan offered his sympathy and said it was reallytoo bad he couldnt find some relative to give the ticket to so they couldenjoy the game together... "Oh no," the guy said, "theyre all at the funeral."

Waiter, waiter! Theres a dead fly in my soup. Oh no! Whos going to look after his family?

Doctor, doctor, I feel dead from the waist down. Ill arrange for you to be halfburied.

First ghoul: You dont look too well today. Second ghoul: No, Im dead on my feet.

What do you find in a zombies veins? Dead blood corpuscles.

Whats a zombies favorite pop song? Dead sails in the sunset.